moaning

my world is spinning
a heavy weight I place upon myself

I wear this collar of gold
beautifully detailed...
deceptivelyheavy
with binding chains that connect to my hands,
covered and controlled by gloves of fear for failure

my world spins again,
I've lost my footing
I've fallen again, a failure

have I not strived enough?
Have I not worked hard enough?
perhaps...
I've only gambled with the fates
Caroused with the paper of time
and dwindled all I had gained
perhaps this burden is my reward
yes...
that must be it
but still it weighs heavily
my failure shames me that much

Peace! Lead me right this time...
My feet now move forward again
Perhaps this spinning will soon stop
and next time,
next time surely I will pull away

~written with no sense but to pass time as my head throbs with pain I so rightly deserve